you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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