im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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