I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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