We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
