if you like me you must not know who I am
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
