can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My hand turned me down
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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