can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
