i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
