The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
