broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
