So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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