I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
