"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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