I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
