Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
