come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize