you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
