I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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