I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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