i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
