Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
