What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
