So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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