i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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