She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
