Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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