i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
