i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
