Old men and throwing up are my life now.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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