If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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