I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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