The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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