how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
