How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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