My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
