how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
