I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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