i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't want my vagina anymore.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
