I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
