I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
