So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
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Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
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At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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