My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
