fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
