from now on my penis is your penis
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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