Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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