I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
