We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
