Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...