I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
