I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.