So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...