mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
