so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
