Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
