and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
