we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This is my gift to your gina
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
