trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
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what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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