awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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