There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
