I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
