There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
