Soap is not a condiment
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
