My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
