Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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