So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
