There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize