Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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