Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
50% drunk capacity currently
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize