I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
