the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
3 2 1 whiskey
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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