I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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