Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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