I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
