i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
